Monday, April 27, 2015

Accumulation, my Nemesis.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to scream, and no sound comes out of your mouth? You want to have a big cry and no tears are shed, you want to throw your ginormous pile of medical files on the floor and then in slow motion you see it but, nothing happens.
That's how I am feeling.

I get a $569.86 copay for Zoé's sleep study (the bill is only $8,521) and then, before I pay I request the results. Well, in this country (or perhaps it is the case everywhere), in order to know whether you are healthy or dying, you have to go through Medical Records, oh and they tell you how to access the paperwork to request for the results!!! on their website!!!!!
I am freaking out, there is no other word.

Sometimes, I wish it were one big nightmare, no this is not possible, this monster who came into our life. We live with it, we wake up with it and we got to bed with it. His name is Steinert, sounds better than the MMD acronym...Mr. Steinert, the effing (F&^%(*#), excuse my French , hahaha!, beast that came into our life like an insidious predator, to freak me out, to stress me out, and who relentlessly adds to my daily load, like one big truck coming full speed behind me, but the breaks are not working, you get the picture?

Sorry it is one of those mornings. The sun is bright and shining, and I need to do paperwork, pay bills, call for medical records, call for approvals from the insurance company, find the form I filed god knows where at midnight the night before...and then of course, after going through the pile, laying there, the prized paper with the diagnoses...ahhhh thank goodness.

No, but seriously, when is this going to end, or is there no end in sight?

Actually, I can answer my own rhetorical question. There is no answer, because there is no end.

hum.... I take a breather, but this one big thing, my newfound friend.  I like to call her Accumulation, she drags you down, she has this way of going about your day, hiding into corners, and then she pops out just like that, like a Jack in the box, you know the broken toy, you try to stuff that Jack into the box, but just when you feel you have closed the lid, Pop! He shows up. That's my friend. Accumulation.  I hate you! There, I said it, and Mr. Steinert, I despise you!
I feel good, I had to say it and now it's done. I can stop typing, post my entry and go back to my terrifying boring morning duties, but I will feel empowered when I go on the Medical records, website...

Have a good day! oh, and HAPPY Monday!

1 comment:

Lynn said...

Unfortunately, the medical community is very far behind the alternative communities...please look into systemic enzymes and gut health which drives sleep patterns, neurotransmitters and apnea. MMD is a systemic disorder which you have to treat systemically, not in pieces.